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Posts Tagged ‘feminism’

Today, I was prompted to read a blog post called “Types of Women Men Like Better than Me”. From my understanding, the author talks about how modern day media, representing society, sends conflicting messages about what women should be. We are ultimately confused, because we keep seeing women with stereotypically desirable traits telling us, the women without those traits, that it’s okay not to be like them.

In present times, social media makes it that much easier for us to share information and ideas. We should embrace that! In search for what a woman should be, we have access to so much more than just celebrities’ opinions, movies, etc. But why do we keep referencing back to them? Is the media really an accurate portrait of what society thinks as a whole? Are we at the mercy of being defined by the media, or can we demand it to change in order to show the real us?

I completely agree with what the author is saying about the media is confusing. However, the point I want to bring up is, why should we even care about what the media has to say? I think before even questioning about what society, or what MEN want from us, we need to define what we want for ourselves.

I think it’s only confusing/upsetting to want to be “intellectual, independently successful, curvaceous or overweight, unconventional looking, outspoken, aggressive or any other of the traits that women have pretty much historically not been allowed to be” if all those traits are actually not you. It’s not because now that “everyone” is telling you that you CAN be that way, that you must feel obliged to be that way. If that’s the case, how is that different from being told to be skinny, to have huge boobs, to be obedient, etc.? Thing urge to obey to the media must seroiusly stop.

The author says: “I feel anxious and confused and sometimes I don’t know where I belong or how I’m supposed to feel about myself relative to others.” To this, I have to ask the following question: why must we relate ourselves to other women? I fail to see why I should spend time and energy to compare myself to others. What will that help me achieve? The author continues: “Also, you can’t talk about this as a woman. You can’t feel bitter or weird or invalidated and you can’t lash out or blame anyone. If you have moments of insecurity you are committing the sin of poor self-esteem or worse, […]” To this second part, I have to say that I think it’s just downright false. I think, both for men and women, that it’s okay and NEEDED to talk about our insecurities and worries. The key is to find the right person to talk to, a person who will not stop at the diagnosis of your “low self-esteem” and prescribe generic solutions to your problems. If you talk to just about anyone about your insecurities, of course, you’ll end up with a load of generic BS.

That outfit would go great with a personality.

Woman-to-woman advice?

We are somehow always compelled to search externally to help us define who we are. I believe that we seriously need to stop that. After all, the definition of the self is an internal thing. Before even thinking about gender roles or how women must be as a collective, we must be comfortable with what we want for ourselves individually. Fix the internal issues from within! Makes sense, no? (Actually, this is true for both men and women.)

On this note, I have no shame in admitting that I am not compelled to be “A KICKASS AWESOME INSPIRING FEMALE HEROINE”, that I enjoy occasionally being that “semi-attractive Asian girl” that does whatever cute thing, and that I want to get married and have kids. Because despite embodying these stereotypical things that media and men seem to want for women, I am also proudly outspoken, awkward, bold, aggressive, independent, and intellectual. I am all these things, because that’s what I want for myself, because I embrace the fact that all these traits are me.

So, how to be that type of woman that you’ll like? Be yourself.

 

If you are so kind to take a few minutes to leave me a comment, please let me know what it means to you “to be a feminist”. My next musings are probably going to be about that… Thank you!

A smile is the most beautiful curve on a woman's body.

I just wanted to share a quote that made my smile. Happiness = beauty?

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