Posts Tagged ‘amanda fong’

Today, I was prompted to read a blog post called “Types of Women Men Like Better than Me”. From my understanding, the author talks about how modern day media, representing society, sends conflicting messages about what women should be. We are ultimately confused, because we keep seeing women with stereotypically desirable traits telling us, the women without those traits, that it’s okay not to be like them.

In present times, social media makes it that much easier for us to share information and ideas. We should embrace that! In search for what a woman should be, we have access to so much more than just celebrities’ opinions, movies, etc. But why do we keep referencing back to them? Is the media really an accurate portrait of what society thinks as a whole? Are we at the mercy of being defined by the media, or can we demand it to change in order to show the real us?

I completely agree with what the author is saying about the media is confusing. However, the point I want to bring up is, why should we even care about what the media has to say? I think before even questioning about what society, or what MEN want from us, we need to define what we want for ourselves.

I think it’s only confusing/upsetting to want to be “intellectual, independently successful, curvaceous or overweight, unconventional looking, outspoken, aggressive or any other of the traits that women have pretty much historically not been allowed to be” if all those traits are actually not you. It’s not because now that “everyone” is telling you that you CAN be that way, that you must feel obliged to be that way. If that’s the case, how is that different from being told to be skinny, to have huge boobs, to be obedient, etc.? Thing urge to obey to the media must seroiusly stop.

The author says: “I feel anxious and confused and sometimes I don’t know where I belong or how I’m supposed to feel about myself relative to others.” To this, I have to ask the following question: why must we relate ourselves to other women? I fail to see why I should spend time and energy to compare myself to others. What will that help me achieve? The author continues: “Also, you can’t talk about this as a woman. You can’t feel bitter or weird or invalidated and you can’t lash out or blame anyone. If you have moments of insecurity you are committing the sin of poor self-esteem or worse, […]” To this second part, I have to say that I think it’s just downright false. I think, both for men and women, that it’s okay and NEEDED to talk about our insecurities and worries. The key is to find the right person to talk to, a person who will not stop at the diagnosis of your “low self-esteem” and prescribe generic solutions to your problems. If you talk to just about anyone about your insecurities, of course, you’ll end up with a load of generic BS.

That outfit would go great with a personality.

Woman-to-woman advice?

We are somehow always compelled to search externally to help us define who we are. I believe that we seriously need to stop that. After all, the definition of the self is an internal thing. Before even thinking about gender roles or how women must be as a collective, we must be comfortable with what we want for ourselves individually. Fix the internal issues from within! Makes sense, no? (Actually, this is true for both men and women.)

On this note, I have no shame in admitting that I am not compelled to be “A KICKASS AWESOME INSPIRING FEMALE HEROINE”, that I enjoy occasionally being that “semi-attractive Asian girl” that does whatever cute thing, and that I want to get married and have kids. Because despite embodying these stereotypical things that media and men seem to want for women, I am also proudly outspoken, awkward, bold, aggressive, independent, and intellectual. I am all these things, because that’s what I want for myself, because I embrace the fact that all these traits are me.

So, how to be that type of woman that you’ll like? Be yourself.


If you are so kind to take a few minutes to leave me a comment, please let me know what it means to you “to be a feminist”. My next musings are probably going to be about that… Thank you!

A smile is the most beautiful curve on a woman's body.

I just wanted to share a quote that made my smile. Happiness = beauty?


Read Full Post »

It’s.. April! That means it’s that time of the year where I’m back on my own blog. This time, it’s actually not from procrastination during final exams period. It’s because I’m graduating! 2 more weeks and a half, and I’ll be out of university! I really hope to be able to start my career officially with a community manager position, something that I’ve actually done for years without realizing it. So… here’s my take on how to do it with care. Enjoy!



The first community manager role I ever took on was when I was 14 years old, running a Japanese boy band fans community on Yahoo Groups. Of course, back then, I had no idea it was called community management. My peers and I shared the same love for that band; my mission was to keep that love alive among us with social media.

Ever since, I’ve been the community manager for many other online communities, both professionally and for fun. I eventually discovered a lot of how-to guides about how to be a good community manager. However, with my experience, there is only one thing I retain in order for me to do the job right. A good community manager is someone who genuinely cares.

Yay! I love this job!

Become Friends with members of your community

The community manager is essentially someone who will proactively want to be friends with everyone else in the community. Think of it from this perspective. When you meet someone new and would like to become friends, what do you do? How do you behave? Trust and friendship are built on frequent, sincere and kind interactions between people. The interactions between a community manager and users should be based on the same principles.

As you identify the most active members of your community, don’t just get to know them in the context of your community. Being there is merely one aspect of theses power users’ lives. Don’t be afraid to be genuine, to get personal and to get to know them in other ways. What else do they like? How else are you and them alike?

Be alert, inspiration is everywhere

Interesting ideas come up when you least expect it sometimes. On top of listening to what your community members are saying, you should also pay attention to your surroundings. Things can come up when you’re commuting, talking to a friend or a colleague, etc.

Keep a notebook on you (or whichever other methods you use to take notes) to be sure not to miss out on these random sparks of inspiration. Some ideas may work out better than others, but it’s by doing it more often that more relevant things will come up for your community. Moreover, by doing so, it will help you add a personal touch on how you connect with your community.

Reassess regularly what it means for you to be a community manager

Sometimes, we lose sight of the enjoyable things of being a community manager. It happens. Being there for your community can become very time consuming; dealing with “trolls” can become frustrating. When certain tasks become tedious, don’t give up! Remind yourself of why you love being a community manager (I do it bi-monthly).

Ask yourself the following questions:

  • What are the things that I love about my community?
  • What is the most memorable comment a community member has ever said?
  • What is the mission of your community? Do you still believe in it?

Lastly, if certain aspects become truly too mentally draining for you, think about setting limits and preventive measures. There are many tools nowadays that can help you plan postings in advance (HootSuite for example, can even be used on your smartphone), and monitor comments more easily (I’ve used Radian6).

You have your role and a community to care for, but also your own life to live! Basically, being a community manager must be done sincerely with your heart, by sharing a portion of who you are and by being attentive. It’s just as if as you were to make new friends!

Read Full Post »

%d bloggers like this: